


Recovery

by Trustmeimahealer



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 13:35:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5745775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trustmeimahealer/pseuds/Trustmeimahealer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tired from a seemingly never-ending stressful period, Clarke and Lexa try to negotiate their careers and responsibilities with their commitments to each other (Modern AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Recovery

It was raining when Clarke got home, the steady beat of the drops on her car almost lulled her to sleep on the way from work. These late nights were beginning to wear down what little resolve she had to stick with her internship at her Mothers friend’s law firm in the city.  
Lexa was home, a welcome change from the frequent nights Clarke had arrived to an empty apartment. “Hey babe.” Clarke welcomed with a grin when she saw the brunette waiting up for her, after all it was rare she got the chance to get an early night and the thought that Lexa had surpassed that in favour of staying up and making dinner warmed Clarke’s heart.  
Lexa shook when she heard Clarke’s voice, startled. “Hey, I didn’t know when you were back.”  
Clarke heard the inflection in her voice and was too tired to look past it. “Yeah sorry, I would have called to let you know but you’ve barely been home recently so I figured it you wouldn’t notice.”  
Lexa’s face twisted into a pained sort of grimace. “You know work, I am trying to manage the entire business whilst keeping the board happy. “  
Clarke knew Lexa struggled to maintain her parents business after they died while they were in college and she had tried her best to be supportive but her job was stressful too and it had felt recently as if Lexa had barely noticed her. “And that includes rolling in to bed, that is when you bother to come home at all, stinking of whiskey and another women’s perfume?”  
Lexa didn’t even flinch, her face as stoic as it was when they first met. “Do you think I am having an affair?” Her voice was calm, an almost imperceptible waver would normally have given her away to Clarke at this point but it was like Clarke didn’t know how to read her anymore.  
“Are you?”  
“That isn’t the question. The question is if you think that I’m cheating on you, so Clarke, do you think I’ve been seeing someone else while I’ve been out at night?” Lexa fixed her eyes on her, undeterred by the tears on Clarke’s cheeks.  
“What am I supposed to think? You don’t even look at me anymore! We used to make every second we had together count and now it’s like I’m an inconvenience keeping you from work!” Clarke was sick of Lexa’s blank expression, her voice was ragged with bottled sobs.  
“Is that a yes then?” Clarke was now right in front of Lexa and her mask was slipping, her eyes let a tear slip and her lips turned down a little until she bit it to keep as impartial as possible. When Lexa was hurt, ever since she was a child, the last thing she wanted was for people to see her vulnerable. Clarke usually exposed her in a way that made her feel supported and safe but now all she felt was betrayed. She was supposed to be the one who saw through her and loved her anyway, but Clarke was ignoring the trust they had built and it hurt like hell. “Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to trust you? To let myself open up to you?”  
Clarke was taken aback by the change in conversation. She scoffed “Unbearable, I can imagine. You don’t need to tell me how hard I am to love.”  
Lexa shook her head, stray tears staining her cheeks. “It was the easiest thing I’ve done in my life. Being vulnerable with you was the most terrifyingly easy thing in the world. There have been times I’ve questioned you, times where I’ve been frustrated and angry and disappointed but I have always, always trusted you no matter what .” Her voice cracked and she bit back a sob, Clarke looked heartbroken. “So now, when we are at the busiest most crucial stages of our life together, you’re telling me that the trust that we’ve built over 6 years can be broken by a few late nights and a new perfume?”  
“No,” Clarke wanted to defend herself desperately but Lexa cut her off.  
“Then what is it? What put that idea in your head? Was it the fact that I’d had a drink in the office? Did you have an idea who this mistress is? Octavia? Echo? Heck maybe even Indra, right? Because obviously it doesn’t matter who or when or why for me right? I’d just throw all of this away for pretty much anything.”  
“This is the first night I’ve seen you in months Lexa! Even when you are here you are almost always up to your eyes in paperwork or too tired to do anything other than go to bed and nap. Heck we barely even touch each other when we’re side by side in bed and we haven’t so much as cuddled since the long weekend on your birthday!”  
Lexa scoffed. “So what? I’m not being affectionate enough so I’m screwing someone else?”  
“You aren’t just being unaffectionate, you’ve stopped talking to me. When we were at school you’d talk my head off at all hours no matter how much we needed sleep. It’s like I’m single and you’re just some woman that passes through.”  
Lexa looked about to shatter at that. “Is that all I am to you now?”  
Clarke sighed. “That’s all you’ve acted like. I love you, god I love you Lexa; I love the determined, pragmatic, caring woman I met in college and knew in a heartbeat I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But it’s like you aren’t that person anymore. You’re a ghost!”  
Lexa shook her head. “Do you love me though? Do you love the me that works into the early morning and snaps and doesn’t hold you enough? Because you can’t have one without the other, I’ve always been like this and I hate it. I hate myself for being like this but I though you knew that, I thought you saw this part of me and loved me anyway. Not for one second did I think what we had was this easily broken.”  
“Are we broken?” Clarke couldn’t could back the sob, it felt like her heart was being ripped to shreds.  
Lexa reached out and pulled the blonde into a tight embrace, mostly just so she didn’t have to watch her cry anymore. “I hope not, please god I hope not.” She kissed the top of Clarke’s head and ran her hands through her hair. “We can fix it, I know we can.”  
It was all Clarke could do but sob into Lexa’s chest while the taller woman tried her best to soothe her before guiding them both to bed. Lexa knelt in front of Clarke after sitting her down, planting soft kisses all over her face as if she could make up for the time not spent kissing her and holding her by giving her everything she could now. She thumbed the collar of Clarke’s shirt. “Do you want me to help you get changed?” She eyed her cautiously and pressed another careful kiss on her lips.  
Clarke nodded her consent and Lexa stood to get some pyjamas out of the drawer for her and carefully began to undress the blonde, kissing her on her shoulders, her knees, her hips, whatever was revealed to her. It felt like she was seeing her for the first time, or saying goodbye and committing her to memory. Clarke had calmed by the time she was dressed, choosing to watch Lexa with wary eyes rather than attempt to speak, Lexa caught her gaze and allowed a shadow of a smile.  
Lexa stood and began to change herself before gently pushing Clarke down to lie on the bed and crawling on with her, tucking the covers over them. Clarke immediately curls into her. “I’m so tired.” She sighs. “I want to be good for you, I want to give you space and trust and support but I’m not sure if I can.”  
“I want that for you too.” Lexa replied, tracing idle patterns on Clarke’s back. “I know I haven’t been as open or affectionate as you need and you deserve someone who can give you all of those things.”  
“I don’t want any of it if it’s not from you.”  
Lexa looked down at Clarke, clinging to her like a lifeline. They had a long way to go, but somehow she knew they were going to make it.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing i've done on here and idk if i want to continue this, let me know what you think?  
> Thanks for reading x


End file.
